


Longing

by KatherineDiBello



Category: The Kane Chronicles - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, Love, Romance, Sanubis - Freeform, not walt/anubis/sadie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatherineDiBello/pseuds/KatherineDiBello
Summary: Because she loved Walt, but her heart kept yearning for a simpler existence with the god who was holding her. And it was stupid because, in fact, she yearned for something she had never had, and which, for a change, wasn't even possible.
Relationships: Anubis/Sadie Kane
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

Sadie couldn't have slept anyway. It was late at night, she had had a long, long day, and the prospect of morning was no lighter. Lately she didn't have a moment to rest, to feel relaxed, or happy. However, she could not complain. A few hours ago she had her first time with Walt, her first time! She should have felt wonderful. Why didn't she feel that way?

Walt was asleep next to her, the night was silent and calm, but Sadie did not stop the trembling in her hands. There was something wrong, she felt it. Like a missing piece in her heart. It wasn't that Walt hadn't been incredibly loving, romantic, and caring… in fact, anyone would have said that everything had been completely special. Except… she sighed. She did not want to do what she was about to do. Her insomnia was in fact due to the long minutes of debate going on in her head. In the end, her discomfort was stronger. She slipped into the Duat and saw him. Anubis was breathing lightly, his eyes were closed, and his hair was tousled. Sadie's heart melted.  
"Anubis?" she groaned. For a moment, she thought he hadn't heard her, then his beautiful brown eyes stared at her. She wished she could have touched his cheek.

"Sades, what's up?" his voice was sleepy.

She didn't know how to ask him for that.

"I can't sleep," Sadie breathed out. "Could we… could we go downstairs?"

Anubis sighed.

"You'll have to wake Walt up."  
Sadie's heart sank. She loved Walt, but she loved Anubis too, so much that sometimes she felt like she couldn't anymore, that so much love… she silenced her thoughts. She denied.

"I mean, you and me."

He materialized by the door. He extended his hand towards her.

"You come?"

Sadie got up and followed him without hesitation. They descended the stairs in silence. It was midsummer and the heat was so hot that they used to leave the terrace doors open. The breeze made Sadie shiver, dressed only in her short cotton pajamas. Anubis didn't speak as he lit the stove, took out the kettle, and made some tea for her. He also took a couple of chocolates out of the cupboard and sat down to eat with Sadie. Generally Sadie would have sucked it off before he could even remove the wrapper from his, but tonight... that night Sadie only stared at him with a pitying face.  
"What is it, Sadie, my heart?" Anubis asked. And it was then that Sadie suddenly found herself crying in tears. She wished she hadn't, just to keep his eyes from saddening like that. But she could not. Couldn't stop.

Anubis got up, wrapped her in a hug and she breathed his scent into his shirt. It smelled of cinnamon, and some kind of incense that she had only smelled before in the Judgment Hall. Instead of calming her, it only made her collapse. Anubis, oh Anubis, she thought.

Because she loved Walt, but her heart kept yearning for a simpler existence with the god who was holding her. And it was stupid because, in fact, she yearned for something she had never had, and which, for a change, wasn't even possible.

"I'm so sorry," said Sadie. Her eyes must now be puffy and her hair pressed to her watery cheeks, but Anubis saw her with such love that he almost made her scream with rage.  
He raised an eyebrow.

"May I know what's wrong with you?"

Sadie didn't want to hurt him, but she had to know. She wanted, somehow, to carry his weight too.

"It wasn't fair to you," she said, and Anubis's smile fell. She had previously harbored a goddess before. She knew that as perfect as the connection between a god and a deified was, however intrinsic their desires, thoughts, and experiences might become, even though it might appear that they were both one… they really weren't. Each one was half of a whole. So… hours before, Walt had loved her, but Anubis had not. She wanted to feel his skin, wished with a desperation that almost made her drown having been able to hear him moan, to have held his hand… for Anubis to make her his. And then she felt terribly bad, because Walt didn't deserve that.  
"I just want you to be happy, Sadie," Anubis murmured. He laced his fingers through hers and kissed the back of her hand. "Walt loves you, what happened ... is natural."

"I know, it's just that..." Her voice caught, she wanted to know, but at the same time she was afraid of the answer. "You... did you feel ...?"

Anubis looked away thoughtfully.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I did live it, but it was as if there was always some barrier between you and me. I… I wish you could feel the way I love you. But, even with that, loving you like this is better than not love you at all. "

She understood his words. She reached out to touch his face, cheeks, the curve of his lips, nose, and eyelids. Anubis sighed at the touch, like a fish that had been out of the water and now, for a moment, allowed to cool off in the vastness of the ocean.


	2. Desire

And it was when Sadie knew he had given up. She searched his lips urgently, and felt a tug of desire. Anubis was shaking a little, as if he was holding back. Gently he turned her face away.  
"Sadie, I can't ..." he broke mid-sentence.  
"Please," she pleaded in a broken voice, and yes, her pride was hurting, but she was tired, and she felt so much desire that it seemed unbearable. “Please, Anubis, for once. I am tired of accepting things, I am tired of being told that I must sacrifice something.”  
That must have brought down his walls, because he finally kissed her. And he did not control himself in that kiss, he was not the calm, controlled Anubis, as always. He left her feeling so much love, and a desire that Sadie found it impossible for anyone to feel for her, and stole her breath. Sadie felt his hands wandering over her torso, his fingers leaping like feathers over her ribs, under the shirt. She thought every nerve in her body had been turned on, and for a moment she thought of nothing but how much she loved him.  
Then he walked away. Sadie almost protested, but there was a bright glow in the god's eyes.  
“It won't be like that. Let me make it special.”  
Sadie wanted to reply that all she wanted was for him to take her right there, but she decided, for once, to shut up.  
Anubis rose from the chair, took her by the hand, and led her gently to the terrace. There Sadie felt the air change, and knew that they had entered the Duat.  
They were on the terrace, but they were also on the banks of a river. Not a filthy river, full of garbage; there was soft grass, and the water reflected the moon with a special glow. There was a record player, a small table with chocolates and wine, and some folded blankets. Sadie didn't want to ask where all this had come from. Anubis kissed her forehead and approached the record player. He put on one of the vinyls and the music started playing.  
Sadie had known it since the first day she met him; Anubis liked jazz. But that night Leonard Cohen's voice filled the air, singing "dance me to the end of love," and Sadie found it very appropriate. He went back to where she was, put one hand on her waist and took the other, and they started dancing.  
Sadie felt herself relax. She sighed happily and laid her head on his chest as they moved.  
"I hope this time we are not interrupted by the god of sneezing," she said, and Anubis rolled his eyes in amusement, "after that we never had any dates again, huh?"  
He held her tight, remembering that other dance.  
"But I am here, Sadie."  
The night glowed with stars. Sadie could almost imagine Nut looking at them, thinking of her husband. God, why did everything have to be so complicated? Feeling Anubis so close and yet so far hurt her. Couldn't the gods get into their own affairs and let her be happy? She deserved it, she really did. Another wave of guilt ripped through her spine. She couldn't think that. Walt also made her happy. So why did she feel like her heart was going to explode right now? A small pain embedded in her chest. She looked at Anubis. She loved him, she wanted him, she had given him her heart from the first moment she saw him, even without knowing it.  
"Should I be worry? It is the second time you cry tonight. Don't you like to dance?”  
It was true. Sadie blushed furiously, but what was wrong with her? Was there so much pain hidden inside her that she hadn't even noticed?  
"Sorry," she apologized. She managed to make up a smile. "Don't think I don't like it, it's just that..." How could she explain what she felt, how could she put into words the longing of her heart? Sadie Kane could pronounce the invocation to Ra, the most powerful god, could name the divine words, but could not simply tell Anubis how she felt. She forced the words out and almost felt like she was choking on them. "By the gods of Egypt, Anubis! I love you. I love you. Not you inside Walt, but you. I mean, I love Walt but... I'm beginning to hesitate, understand? I want to feel you, I want you to..."  
She stopped talking. Anubis cocked his head and looked at her with the most beautiful chocolate eyes in the world. However, he seemed to understand. They had stopped dancing, but the music was still playing. Finally, Sadie broke free of him. She sat on the grass, covering her face with her hands.  
"You must think that I am the most selfish and fickle person in the world," she said sadly.  
Anubis took one of the blankets and carried it to her, covering her. It was cold, the breeze made Sadie's hair flutter.  
“If you believe that about yourself, maybe you should spend time with the other gods. That would definitely change your mind,” Anubis said softly. "Can you stop being so dramatic? We'll figure it out, Sadie. I promise I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, do you understand?”  
"I am mortal, Anubis," she reminded him impatiently, and he would have made some comment to that had it not been for the distressed tone in her voice, "I am going to die. I know you love me, but when I die…”  
That had been the last straw for Anubis. He took her by the shoulders, kissed her, and made her lie down gently. The blanket flew in the wind, he shoved his hands through her hair, breathing in its scent: gum and magic, Sadie. She sighed. Anubis knew that this discussion was going nowhere, perhaps if he showed Sadie how much, really how much he loved her, how happy he was to hear her say that she loved him, because he had been alone for too long, forgotten, submerged in sadness. And now she was there, brilliant as the most beautiful of Egypt's dawns, sarcastic, impulsive, and honest.

Their bodies molded perfectly, Sadie stopped being cold. She also stopped thinking. Feeling Anubis's skin against hers, even a touch of their cheeks, or the clasping of hands, even the place where her blouse had risen and she could feel him so warm… Sadie couldn't believe it.  
She moved her hands to take Anubis's cheeks, caught his lips in a deep kiss, and he groaned. Sadie smiled proudly, slid her hands under his shirt and stroked his torso; she felt Anubis writhe under her touch. His lips traveled Sadie's jaw, her neck, oh gods, he was leaving love marks on her collarbone, Sadie gave a very unworthy scream that caused Anubis to laugh.  
How could she live without it? She was not sure. At that moment Sadie thanked with all her soul that Set had tried to dominate the world years before. She also thanked him for having made such a son… she decided to silence her strange thoughts. She was lost in a blurry tangle of touches and sensations, their clothes were gradually gone, a terribly longing desire had ignited in her lower belly, so she gave a deep moan when Anubis finally made her his own.  
At that moment, Sadie thought she could laugh and cry, both at the same time. She didn't wanted to think about Walt, but she couldn't help but think about how different it felt. She understood what Anubis had meant. Of course, he had lived through the experience, but this had been Walt loving Sadie in his own way. He had been tremendously tender and loving, many would have said perfect, but Sadie was flooded with pleasure and desperate love with Anubis.  
He was gentle too, cradling her head in his hands while she couldn't do anything other than moan softly and try to catch her breath. In each thrust she felt that Anubis wanted to caress her in every possible way, and in fact he was doing wonderfully. They had created a rhythm that she could only have described as yearning in the purest state. They were having each other, but oh, how much they needed each other.  
Sadie gave herself to him. She tried to let him know how much she loved him, how much she needed him, and then another wave of divine illumination came to her. Gods of Egypt, how come she hadn't noticed before? Anubis was giving himself too, showing her that it didn't matter that she was mortal, because it would always be her, always, always... he had only loved Sadie and he would be. He loved her so much, so much, that he could live with the pain of seeing Walt have her.  
That tore her apart. The warm ache in her belly exploded, as if it couldn't bear it either, she hugged Anubis as her body jerked in waves, desperate to hold on to something solid. At that moment he gave one last deep thrust... and filled her with his love. He hugged Sadie, who was still clinging to him, and they stayed like that for a moment, trying to catch their breaths, trying to get their hearts back to normal.  
She came back to reality only to realize that Anubis was gently kissing her face, so happy… Sadie had never seen his eyes sparkle with such emotion. She felt that way herself. Being there, in his arms, nothing could harm her.


End file.
